My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i drank out of a bidet.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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