on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I understand Curling. That high.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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