My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
