Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
