just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
