This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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