i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
