the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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