I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
