i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
