well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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