I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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