Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
