So drunk its hurt
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
