tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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