Well douche your snatch and let's go!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
