david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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