I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
