I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
