Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
