I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
