it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish i was in the wii world.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
