Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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