I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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