I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
