Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
this is an emotional support booty call
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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