Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
