i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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