Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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