he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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