aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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