Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
