fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
