i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
