Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
