I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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