im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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