I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
