that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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