That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
