I need help removing her.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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