maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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