I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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