the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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