yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
