Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
