after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
