dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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