This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
