I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
