am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
