Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
