so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
