So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
