yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
