i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
