I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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