I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
