what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's like God shit irony all over that family
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
