i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
