Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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