did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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