Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
