Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
